Friday, January 30, 2009

Adoption

I’m not a father but still I have many children!... sounds crazy. I mean, I play a mentoring role of a father to some children whom I interact with. Lot of us do it and everyone loves to do it. I don’t know if I’m right, but the word Child has more energy than what e = mc2 has, probably Einstein failed to observe this. If the word child has such potential then imagine about the word Children… They multiply. I’ve been observing it for quite a long time at the projects which we do. [Courtesy AID Delhi http://delhi.aidindia.org]

We all used to listen to stories when we were young, and our ancestors use to tell us stories which have angles in it and with all exclamations listen to them. I always had a question that where these angles come from and how do they look like and the answer would be Angles are gifted by GOD but silly Selva still asks a question Don’t they have Mom and Dad and the reply would be yes their Mom and Dad both are :GOD”. Sweet isn’t it. When I was in school I heard about orphanage and children living there who didn’t have Mom and Dad with them and I always fantasized visiting there just was curious to relate how these angles looked like, whether they have white cloths around them with a feathery wings. Our comic writer’s imagination is so poor which gets intruded into the readers as well and we’ve always seen angels like that, may it be in comic books or in movie stories.

During my college days I got a chance to visit an orphanage [I used to call it as a temple as I feel angles live there]. I don’t know if my childhood fantasies still was in me or not but I swear I could see none other than angels [both the male and female versions. No gender discrimination : P] in front of my eyes. Why I call them angels is because they don’t know who they are and also don’t know who I am but only give a smile to me and other all the time and say that we are in the world to make others happy. I don’t know if the institution taught them this but I know that children speak from their heart and these are someone special.

I also explored about how many such institutions in India exist and got to know there are thousands. Then I also got to know that there is a process by which one can adopt a child. I was pretty impressed to know that there is a chance of adoption. I say it’s a chance for us but if we carefully read it, it’s a hope for the child a new world, where the child can explore more about love and affection for a father and mother. I decided there that I would adopt a child in my life. I’m not a person who gets emotional immediately, at the same time I’m not a person who sees relationships as professional, it takes time for me to get into emotional attachment with anything and once I get attached then there is no stopping and this is something I felt emotional very immediately, but later I realized that after adoption I should certainly tell the child about the history behind him / her, so that I fairly give an opportunity to him / her to choose his / her own life. I would like to play a role of a mentor and that doesn’t mean that I would not pour my fatherhood to the child. The definition of adoption could differ and have any meaning for individuals, but all it holds is a new ray of hope for the children which would make a difference to not only the child. So friends why don’t we all take the word forward and encourage adoption in and around us.

After all we live in India where we Adopt to live with every thing which we don’t like and are not happy with. [Should I quote example for this as well??, no offence meant :D], but the child adoption does make us happy!!!.. Let’s make a new world for us and for others.

9 comments:

Banvri said...

A heart Touching post Selva !

and I can understand ur feeling about Angel .Even I have seen angels ! but I think Angels have become so high tech now cus I know few Angels who work as IT profession as well as for kids ..no matter kids are under privledged or orphan , they shower their affection.

Adoption of child is big commitment though I also have plan to do same . But Selva it is actually a nobel though and we should spread this :)

But as I said its comment so this also need proper prepration mentally,socially and at individual level.

pulzinponderland said...

Good to you spreading this. I want to share an important related point.

Adoption is tagged with providing a home to an hitherto homeless child, but is it always so? If I am not mistaken, in many agencies today, there are more parents waiting than children available. This, according to one agency, is because of the rise in abortion awareness (less unwanted children) which has coincided with increasing adoption awareness (more willing parents). Given this, if you go for a typical agency (aligned with the above mentioned scenario), you are not actually providing a home to an "otherwise homeless" child because if you hadn't come forward, someone else would have equally happily taken the child home. Of course, if everyone thinks that way, no child will ever be adopted, but the point here is that given the current scenario, it makes a lot more "social" sense if you adopt children who are less likely to be adopted by the rest. This may mean that you look for older kids who are typically less preferred. Those who have the wherewithal can even think of kids with minor/major, curable/incurable health issues or disabilities. One may also hunt a low-profile agency in a remote place where not many people apply (which implies that the kids there are unlikely to be adopted). You could also take drastic measures like getting a child made legally available for adoption from an orphanage and then adopting her/him. It may sound outrageous, but it does the critical thing of getting that one more child a home.

Pulkit

pulzinponderland said...

Good to you spreading this. I want to share a crucial point as to today's adoption scenario.

Adoption is tagged with providing a home to an hitherto homeless child, but is it always so? If I am not mistaken, in many agencies today, there are more parents waiting than children available. This, according to one agency Sejal and I met, is because of the rise in abortion awareness (less unwanted children) which has coincided with increasing adoption awareness (more willing parents). Given this, if you go with a typical agency (aligned with the above mentioned scenario), you are not actually providing a home to an "otherwise homeless" child because if you hadn't come forward, someone else would have equally happily taken the child home. Of course, if everyone thinks that way, no child will ever be adopted, but the point here is that given the current scenario, it makes a lot more "social" sense if you adopt a child who is less likely to be adopted by the rest. This may mean that you look for older kids who are typically less preferred. Those who have the wherewithal can even think of kids with minor/major, curable/incurable health issues or disabilities. One may also hunt for a low-profile agency in a remote place where not many people apply (which implies that the kids there are unlikely to be adopted). You could also take drastic measures like getting children made legally available for adoption from an orphanage and then adopting one of them. It may sound outrageous, but it serves the critical purpose of getting that one more child a home, doesn't it?

selva ganapathy said...

hey Pulkit!,
you rightly pointed out.. I forgot to mention a few things....you've added them....

people who are interested to learn the legal views and other adoption related queries can join the group

child-adoption-in-india@googlegroups.com

Kunal Chandra said...

Uncommentable sir... and truly commendable....

Gouri Chugh said...

hmmmm....a very thought provoking topic. i have thought of adopting children ever since i was a small kid. i don't know whether it will be possible in future or not, though. But, a lot of factors hamper the rise in adoption numbers in India. One, strict adoption laws that are needed at one level. Second, as your friend said that, there are more parents waiting to adopt than children in orphanages. iam not sure about those statistics. But, iam sure about one thing that there are more homeless children outside orphanages than in them.
Besides, we also need to reflect upon why we need adoption. To oblige a child, or because you can't have your own, and it's better to adopt than have test tube babies or surrogate mothers. According to me, it is like a responsibility towards a society i.e. I have no right to bring a life into this world till an already existing one suffers in misery.

Aravinda said...

TO adopt / be adopted by a child is very good.
Equally vital is to create and strengthen the circle family-like friendship that children who may be orphans or facing neglect can reach out to, just by being there as a caring adult willing to lend an ear in time of need. Though relatively few of us may adopt and then too may adopt very few kids, many more of us can be there for others - as you are already doing Selva.

pulzinponderland said...

"I have no right to bring a life into this world till an already existing one suffers in misery."

Brilliantly said, Gauri. If only every couple thinks this way...

selva ganapathy said...

Thanks Aravinda!,
You rightly pointed out...

"Equally vital is to create and strengthen the circle family-like friendship that children who may be orphans or facing neglect can reach out to"

Though as a couple or as parents everyone cannot adopt more than a child or two but the contribution can be in any form just other than brining home the child and giving them what all they need... a right word at the right time for a child means a lot....

Gouri, though I appreciate your concern but its not possible to impend by stating one have o rights to bring a life to world when a lot of others already are in a misery, but lets do stress that while they bring a life to a world let them also feel equally responsible and think about the on existing in misery.


So far most of my friends I've spoken to are in favor of / willing to adopt a child but its just what adoption means and why adoption has to be clear....