It was 6AM and yet another morning began. But somehow did not have the usual feel about it. I couldn't relate with the disturbed state of my mind [And please, I’d prefer not relate ‘heart’ to this :)]. I generally have a feel every morning that brings a fresh feel and but somehow though this morning was not that pleasant and deceived me of that feel. The first thing that came to mind was to make a tea, but then in the spark of the moment my mind counters, ’Why should I take tea now?....’
I picked up my mobile to SMS ‘Good Morning!’ to friends as usual but again stopped texting and thought "Chodo yaar!... ek din mera message nahi mila tho kya farak padnewala hai"; and I dropped the mobile and got up looking for the newspaper but couldn't locate it. Oh yes that was my mistake to look for it at the time I woke up. But the paper arrives on time.
Some random things bounced around in my mind with a philosophical bend of thought of ‘What is world?’, ‘what is life?’, ‘why are we living?’, ‘what will happen to the world [I mean the people surrounding me] without me?’. I walked towards the fridge. I like to have something sweet as soon as I wake up [sometimes even without brushing.. ‘theek hai yaar.. chalta hai!’ ] But weirdly though, I saw the sweet box and felt, ‘No I don't want to eat sweet now! How am I going to come over the contradiction which I have with the mindset? Will this solve the problem?’
The milk packet caught my eye; and I pulled it out and went to the kitchen. Sometimes I feel like the kitchen is one place where I feel relaxed during most of my tensed moments. The milk was boiling at a low flame but I was feeling much more heat, I could not understand why. And then, more contradictory thoughts flow through me - history, revolutions, and family.
Thanks to the message tone from my mobile which startled me out of my stray mind; I was back. It was a ‘Good Morning’ message! And unlike usual I couldn't really appreciate it. Probably, because I get it everyday! But then, I was able to appreciate it till the day before. ‘Should I immediately reply to it..... No, I'll not.. Does it really matter?’ I thought to myself. But then couldn't resist replying and succumbing to habit. I had to book a train ticket at 8.00 hours for someone. ‘Why should ‘I’ do it?....don't I have any other work in the world?’ was the thought that I then felt, but then again by force of habit I managed to login online and do it.
A quick shower and then the tea had taken of some space in mind and helped bring me out of the disarray which I was in. I got ready for office and I started the bike and was driving, but the disarray of thoughts and contradictions did not leave me. ‘Why am I cribbing so much today?’ I stopped the bike for a while at DND and then started again but still I couldn't over come the state. I know that I'm driving without holding my sense but had no option and finally, I reached IIT safely.
I felt bad today as Ihadnot even returned a Good Morning to the coffee shop guy! I just gave 5 bucks for the coffee without even a smile on the face with some random things on my mind. Then, he replied, "Your balance Rs.5/- yesterday is with me!” and yes his smiling face just reminded me that I have to wish him... Good Morning! I responded and walked back to the department. While walking back to the department I stopped by the wind tunnel for a couple of minutes and finished off my coffee and went to lab. I don't know I just started to feel better!
Made a couple of calls to start the day's work and started a few experiments and my regular email stuffs! Pandey ji's ‘Good Morning!’ was louder today as he entered the lab from the other door. ‘GoodMorning Pandey ji!’ was what came out within a microsecond with a smiling face towards him. "Chai Pilaoo.. bhookh lag rahi hai".... immediately I started to feel al my mastiness and my purana charecteristics back!!!!.. Yes I'm back........
Thought of articulating it immediately as I really enjoyed that 4 hours of disturbed phase!!!!!..........
P.S : There might be a few negative thoughts in the article but those were not intentional :).....