Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Emmossanal Atyachar!!!

Hmmm...... I've been searching for an appropriate title for the content and the context of this blog.. Thanks to Dev D....... got me an appropriate one!. I started to write this somewhere in Dec 08… took quite long to tune it :P.
Generally, most of the relationships evolve on need basis apart from the friendship one gets in school life / college life with their classmates. I would rather replace the term evolve with made and if the replacement is right then it could be rephrased as relationships are made willingly / unwillingly [whichever is applicable] to fulfill a need. In the process, only a very few relationships tend to proceed with mutual willingness. Many tend to proceed with a drive / objective behind it. One more reason for getting into a drive based / objective based relationship which I think is that in our country most of the things get done with the help of love / affection people have for each other. I have noticed this many a times, a work which is pending for a month long will be done if someone so close to the person who need to complete the work rings and request for the same. Love does conquer but the disgusting fact is that there is a blend of fake ness conspiring with purity.
I’m a person who likes to go well with anyone I come across; I used to care for people [most of the people] who were around me. I felt that fulfilling their small wishes as a surprise would cheer them up and will remain ever in their memory. It doesn’t matter to me if people didn’t reciprocate because I generally don’t get deeply involved with many people. I’m very choosy when it comes to opening up with people. I only open up with someone who I respect, admire and look up to. For me, people are more important than anything else. I would literally do anything for those few people in my life.
These were my opinions and I used to strongly follow it, till I realized that I am the stupidest to keep doing things to people without expecting anything back. I came across a few situations where I realized that the people for whom I’ve been doing things have started to take me for granted :P , though I never worried about it as I gave the benefit of doubt and blindly trust people[I don’t want to quote the live example of what happened :)]. I’ve always been used to get things done [I realized this only after a few persons quoted things to me and explained]. I was really taken aback and there are a few things which I can’t tolerate, betrayal is one of them. I also learned that if there is real love / affection between people [in any relationship] then it should reciprocate. People say that Love is giving unconditionally; I’d restate that it is giving / getting conditionally.
I tried to change myself and also discovered that I’m what I have been and can’t be someone else I want to be but I can try and help out myself in choosing out the right people .
Got to read this in a status of a friend “Love people and use things instead of using people and loving things”. Very true!!!!.... We should avoid using people’s emotions!.

8 comments:

Kunal Chandra said...

First of all your point on using relationships to get things done. I agree this is very unprofessional and as long as one can avoid this one should but of course we all know that this has now become a core skill and a way of doing business. So at best what we can do is that we should respect our commitments equalliy regardless of whether we have made it to someone we know or we dont.

Secondly on people using you or taking you for granted. Here is my eternal problem that humans always tend to focus on the negative. I am sure there are lots of people who respect you personally for who you are and what you do but instead of focussing on them and being as you are you are being driven by those crooks and willing to react to them by changing. This means that crooks are more important than those who really admire you.
And this is true for all of us. So my advise would be to focus on and repsect those who are good rather than react to those who are bad because then you are playing into the hands of those very crooks...

priyanka said...

i dono wt to say to this..thr r soo many things that I feel u want to convey at a point..the title says it out soo loud and clear. I agree that one must not use people..rather use things..but Selva..u no it and I no it too that this is happening all around us..emotions sumtimes tak on the role of sweet poison, u can soo nicely get things done from sum1 and leav them wen ur wrks done..this is LIFE...this is how v are,...u might say u are not one of them but i hate to say this..I too m one of those..the industry I work in, the tool calld emotions is soo professionally used ..quite an irony..isn't it??
great I read ur blog..wud try n catch up vd more of it as and wen it cums across!!

Cheers!!
Priyanka:)

Sharmila Valli said...

One of the best advice that I ever got about relationships was from this person(whom I later had a massive fall out with. It took years before I could bring myself to speak to him...that's another story and I digress) who after listening patiently to me about why some people do not hold dear to the relationship as someone else told me that one should have no expectations in a relationship. If you like someone and want to do things for them, then do it because you want to; you do it because it makes you happy. You should not expect that person to reciprocate. If he or she does then it's good but you cannot blame them if they do not. He said that we must do something in a relationship out of our free will and with no expectations that the other party will respond in kind. When we have such expectations, then in the end it is us who become disappointed because we expect the other person to do something in return. And we cannot blame the other person if he or she choses not to return the same degree of affection that we place in that relationship.
I know it sounds convoluted but if you think about it hard enough it does make sense. I have put this theory to practice and it does make a lot of sense. The relationships here all refer to friendships. I don't know whether this theory can work if it is related to matters of the heart.
But the no expectation rule does have its bright side. Another good piece of advice I got from another friend when one long term friendship went sour was, "Don't cry that its over; smile that it happened."

varuna raina said...

well selva it seems you are nurturing some deep hurt which i guess we all nurture at some point of time..dat u have changed your angelic ways of helping others..
i tell you..u receive what you give,life is all about sharing,but yes world is too knave to let godness flourish..roses will alwaz be crushed but that doesnot mean we will stop on our path of joyful giving and sharing...
as for love,you cannot demand love nor can you force it,if you try to hold it too tight it will wither...when you love someone let them go..if they come back they are yours,if they dont they never were yours...
world is full of beautiful ppl and trust me whosoever will be your soulmate will find you anyway...
you do good to ppl bcoz ur good,dey dnt reciprocate coz they dnt have soul and vision to see your goodness,forgive them anyway...
hey..i didnt wish to be a pedagague but is is a eternal emotion which we all carry and with it we also have power to go beyond it too..
peace and blessings
varuna

Charu said...

Nice pieceof work by The great selva si :)

i think all of us have gone through this experience when people have used us and we have felt betrayed....but what is important is how to come over it as a winner and not changing urself and proving them right and important.
you know it is more important to serarch for one good heart. and wen u find that good human all ur good deeds become valid.:)

So sir...Chill and be what u are coz people like me respect you for what u are. :)

Take care
Charu

selva ganapathy said...

@ All!,Thanks for your inputs :)... Just one thing I want to clarify is I have just tried to elaborate one phase of my life where I realized this, I'm mature enough to overcome it :)... also I would never change myself as a person who I am :P.

@ Kunal!, You are right Kunal, but mostly I'm not trying to point out a professional relationship here :).
@ Priyanka!, I could still accept that in a professional one but not in a personal one :). A betrayal is a betrayal!!!..that simple
@ Sharmila!, You've been one person who I'd always listen too.. . I take all your advice :). I also believe strongly that love is something which should be given without any expectation, but eventually I also realized that I should expect that person to receive the love and reciprocate in at least acknowledging it rather than giving back.. if there is even no acknowledgment then that love I give deserves a better person and I'm trying to convey that :)... but your points are straight away in line with what I think :).
@ Varuna!, I generally don't post negative thoughts, this one was a feel I like to express and see others opinion and get to know that everyone is aware of this, probably knowingly / unknowingly we also might be a person who would be doing this to others but we can always avoid it from our part.. I'd remain positive and keep doing what I do...
@ Charu didi!, no doubt in me stopping what I'm doing Charu didi!...I'll be the winner at the end :)...

Cheers to all!!!!

The Wanderer said...

Well said Selva. Infact the last half of the article felt as if I was saying/writing it. Don't know what happens to the love, trust, unconditional giving even after years. One realizes that although you made the other the center-point of your life, the 'bindu' of your life; changed your personality, even values at times; wanted their happiness at your own cost too....
even after all this one day you realize that they never understood you, you were taken for granted all this while, that you never really had that place deep in their heart.
Its a very empty feeling. May people never ever get to feel this way.....

Priyanka said...

hey selva...I'm reading a book these days and incidentally it's all about loving n being loved...it satrts vd an interesting qoute of William Shakespeare "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so". Will send u in the form of attcahments..if u can..do share it vd pps arn!!