Thursday, June 28, 2012

Marriage, Gifts and My take


A couple of days back I had tweeted “இனி எந்த திருமணத்திற்கு சென்றாலும் பரிசாக எதுவுமே தரப்போவதில்லை என்று முடிவு செய்துள்ளேன் நான்!  “(I’ve decided not to give any gifts in the marriage ceremonies I’ll attend) and the kind of replies I got was that people will stop inviting you to their marriage. Wow!, precisely what would be ideal, but the way the responses came were not with the idea of what I think why people should stop inviting friends and families to their marriage. The responses summarized that because I will not be giving a gift to the newly wed couples, they’ll not like me to participate in their marriage. Well that provoked me to write this post.
Before getting in to the gift issue, I first of all believe that marriage in itself is an occasion which is obviously auspicious but needn’t require that lavish expenses as it is happening these days. Though, it is one special day when two people come together to start a new life together. Marriages can be made simpler by just having those truly wishing hearts around. These two who have started a new life together is now going to live a new life every day, we all do live a new life every day. So friends and well wishers can shower their wishes daily after they get married as per their convenience. Why just gather on one day and show flashy outfits they’ve got to the entire world, smile for a photograph, eat and then vanish? Let me logically tell you that you’ll end up spending a much more less money if you go and meet these people at their homes or even at public places along with a dinner or lunch after your marriage rather than booking a hall, inviting everyone to one place.
In a marriage function, which I attended recently a friend of mine called me to purchase a gift. Unfortunately due to time constraint I couldn’t buy anything and suggested them that let us take them out for a dinner some time where probably we can buy them something. However the rest of the people said that we’ll not have time for that, so we should contribute in cash. I was a bit uncomfortable in giving cash, the reason being..
I assume that the tradition of giving cash in marriages would have originated from the thought of providing a monetary support to the newlyweds because they would have invested and spent a quiet reasonable amount on the marriage as such as well as during the earlier days people who were well to do would want to give something in cash to the not-so well to do families so that they can use that to establish a new life with essential things around them and it also justifies me the fact that why utensils and household articles still are being provided as gifts. So I suggested my friends that lets rather ask the bride and groom about what they want and get them something rather than we simply buy what we think would suit them. I know a lot of marriages where there will be so many wall clocks, “n” number of iron boxes, pressure cookers collected more than the need. It also becomes difficult for the people to carry it these days as many people keep shuttling between cities and places. I said them that rather than giving something useless let’s not give anything at all. Oh! How is that possible, what will he think of us. He will blame us if we don’t give any gift was the response from others.
I sincerely think that giving that one time gift will not make the provider and the receiver happy forever in their life. What they / we absolutely need is the support thorough out the life.. As a friend of mine says and I too believe in the fact that marriage is not just a one day celebration, it’s a celebration everyday which starts on that particular day and it continues throughout their life. If you want to give something provide them happiness and give them unconditional love, support and especially your shoulder whenever possible.
They do not need things which will not speak and stay along with them lifelong inside a showcase or at their kitchen. In fact all we humans need our fellow human, who we can trust, rely and believe in.  If the process of not giving gifts will stop people from inviting more people to their marriage that will in fact solve the issue of overspending and lavish expenses made on marriage which intact will help the newlyweds to plan their future better.